🌻 Just Blame my Tumor

What's in this issue:

• Where I've been for the past 5 weeks (spoiler: dealing with a brain tumor)

• How to show up authentically, even when it’s hard

The real talk: Sometimes survival feels like enough, and that's okay.

Hey ,

I know I've been MIA for about 5 weeks now, and I've been going back and forth about how to even start this conversation. Do I apologize? Do I pretend like nothing happened? Do I ease back in gently?

La verdad es que, I've had this newsletter sitting in a doc for weeks. I didn't want to send it. I kind of still don't. But, I can’t “hide” forever, and I think it’s about time I came back. 

How to Show Up Authentically When You're Struggling

Let's be real – sometimes life hits you sideways and suddenly showing up as your "normal" self feels impossible. I'm still figuring this out, but here's what I'm learning about staying authentic when everything feels like it's falling apart:

Start with baby steps of honesty: You don't have to spill your whole story to everyone, but pick one or two safe people to be real with first. I started with one friend, then another, and eventually worked up to telling all of you. The relief of not carrying it alone? Game changer.

Give yourself permission to not be "on": That fake smile I was wearing everywhere? Exhausting. Sometimes authentic means saying "I'm not doing great today, but I'm here." People respect honesty way more than forced positivity, trust me on this one.

Set boundaries around your energy: I'm still learning this, but you don't owe anyone your full story or emotional labor when you're barely holding it together. "I'm dealing with some health stuff and need space" is a complete sentence.

Remember that authenticity includes the messy parts: Progress isn't always pretty, and neither is authenticity. Sometimes the most real thing you can do is admit you're struggling and that's okay.

Recuerda: Authenticity is about being honest about where you actually are, even when that place feels scary or uncertain.

takes a big deep breath Here goes - last month, I found out I have a benign brain tumor. 

My first instinct after getting the diagnosis was to ignore and retreat. I just wasn't going to think about it. After all, there were plenty of things for me to focus on - my friend’s wedding, my brother’s birthday, my other brother’s graduation. But as the celebrations started winding down, reality started to creep in and I was a fucking mess. Sadness, fear, and anger hit me from all sides. 

As someone who values authenticity, it was incredibly hard for me to show up. I retreated from social media and just powered through with a fake smile at work, with family, with friends, and even with myself. See, I knew this year was going to be hard – I'm a woman. I'm proudly Latina. I'm here because an immigrant community uplifted me. So yeah, if this year couldn't get a bit shittier, this tumor came knocking to make sure my resilience was really tested.

Pero, after a very cathartic cry in my yard (sorry, birds and local alley cat), I decided to tell a friend, then another, and ultimately YOU! Why? Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't get through life without some help. AND, because shit gets real! I don't want to pretend I'm fine. I don't want to sell you a story of "happy progress" when there are days that I just wanna sob my little heart out.

That's the big reason I've been quiet... talking about my health is hard, but so is pretending everything is okay. Both choices feel equally exhausting and difficult. And here's the thing that's been messing with my head the most: it's so hard to write about progress over perfection during a time when progress feels completely invisible. Like, what progress? I'm taking medication that makes me feel worse, I'm scared about my future, and I'm trying to navigate a healthcare system that feels overwhelming. 

Progress is messy, it's hard, painful, and at times so incredibly defeating. But we need those unglamorous moments to heal, to pivot, and to redefine our purpose. I'm not a religious person, but I do believe the universe nudges us toward where we need to go, and as absolutely terrifying as this journey has been, it has brought me more in tune with my body, allowed me to focus on my health, and shifted my mindset to reprioritize what matters – me.

I've put myself last for waaayyy too long, and that stops now. Will I nail it every day? Absolutely not! Will I still clock in a 10-hour work day or choose a meeting over a doctor's appointment? Probably. BUT, I will balance those hiccups with rest, recharge, and love for the body and brain that gets me through every day.

This week, think about a time when you felt stuck between being authentic about something difficult and pretending everything was fine. Maybe it's a health issue, a family problem, or work stress.

How did you navigate that impossible choice? What would it look like to give yourself permission to just... survive for a bit, instead of forcing progress or positivity?

Sometimes the most authentic thing we can do is admit that we're figuring it out as we go, and that's enough for now.

P.S. Thank you for your patience with my sporadic publishing schedule lately. Your support means more than you know, especially during times when words feel hard to find. This community continues to be a bright spot, and I'm grateful to share this perfectly imperfect journey with you. 💙

_{¿Qué dijo? / What did she say?}
La verdad es que - The truth is that
Recuerda - remember
Pero - but
otra vez - again